15 stunningly dumb warning labels

Forbes

View gallery

.

Only a moron would try to wash her daughter in a washing machine; or shake hands with the business end of a chainsaw; or light a match to check the contents of a gas tank. And yet manufacturers continue to go to laughable lengths to protect their customers, bombarding them with ridiculous warning labels or stunningly obvious explanations of how their products work. Here are 25 of the best--er, worst--we found over the last four years.

 

 

In Pictures: 25 Stunningly Dumb Warning Labels

 

 

More from Forbes.com

10 Best Healthy And Delicious Snacks

Choosing the Right Tablet For You

The Most Toxic Home Products

Surprising Home-Energy Hogs

The plaintiff's bar has plenty to do with this silly--and costly--trend. Sham product-liability cases can rack up very real damages. In 2007 the median jury award in product liability cases was just north of $1.9 million, estimates Jury Verdict Research, which tracks results of personal-injury claims.

These cases basically boil down to two principles. First, companies must take care not to put customers in "unforeseen" danger, assuming that those customers act in a "reasonable" manner when using a product or service. (Repeatedly jabbing a bottle of Coca-Cola in your eye and suing for damages probably wouldn't fly in court.) Second, companies have to provide sufficient warning of "foreseeable" danger.

Hence the proliferation of all those goofy warning labels on products and websites.

 

 

Here are some other doozies we found over the last four years.

View gallery

.
Jabra Drive 'N' Talk

Label: Never operate your speakerphone while driving. Product: Jabra Drive 'N' Talk.

The 2010 winner of the annual Wacky Warning Label contest, which challenges Americans to find the most ridiculous warning labels in the country. The Jabra Drive 'N' Talk is a Bluetooth speakerphone accessory for cellphones to be used in the car. So should it just be called the "Talk"?


View gallery

.
Peanuts

Label: This product may contain nuts.
Product: Peanuts & Peanut M&Ms.

Often found on bags of peanuts, including those made by Sainbury, as well as on those yellow bags of Peanut M&Ms. All of which makes you wonder what some conspiracy theorists think they're buying.

 



View gallery

.
Chainsaw

Label: Do not hold the wrong end of a chainsaw.
Product: Chainsaw.

Many chainsaws bear this digit-saver, in sticker form, right on their sides.






View gallery

.
Hair dryer

Label: Do not use while sleeping.
Product: Hair dryer.

Several manufacturers of hair dryers thought it necessary to warn users of the dangers of sleep-drying, an affliction that, apparently, befell somebody.

 

 

View gallery

.
Blow torch

Label: Contents may catch fire.
Product: Blow torch gas bottle.

Just let 'em go up in flames.

 

 

 

View gallery

.
Sun shade

Label: Do not drive with sun shield in place.
Product: Reflective cardboard sun shades for car dashboards.

OK, so what is the sun shield for? Presumably, hanging out in your car, alone, sipping a 44-ounce fountain cup of Mountain Dew, air conditioning on, sun shade firmly in place, contemplating where you'll drive when the sun finally goes down. Or you could just take the sunshade out of the window and drive in the blistering sun without it.

View gallery

.
Eggs

Label: This product may contain eggs.
Product: A carton of eggs.

So that's what those are!

 

 

 

View gallery

.
Nytol sleeping pills

Label: May cause drowsiness.
Product: Nytol sleeping pills.

Let's hope, for GlaxoSmithKline's sake, the warning rings true.

 

 

 

View gallery

.
Staples's letter opener

Label: Safety goggles recommended.
Product: Staples's letter opener.

Sadly, this was a misprint. According to Amy Sandler, a public relations rep at Staples, "The label is meant for our retractable box cutter, where the blades might slide off. Package redesigns are currently being shipped to Staples and Staples.com with the correct 'Keep out of reach of children' warning." Fair enough.

 

View gallery

.
Vanishing Marker

Label: The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents.
Product: W.H. Collins' Vanishing Fabric Markers.

Well, that sure takes the fun of out it: After all, who doesn't like being handed a blank check? 

 

 

View gallery

.
Jet Ski

Label: Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level.
Product: Jet Ski.

This little ditty can be found on gas caps for personal recreational vehicles such as jet skis and ATVs. Should be followed by: "And if this was news to you, you are not legally permitted to operate this vehicle or, for that matter, leave the house."

View gallery

.
Washing machine

Label: Do not put any person in this washer.
Product: Huebsch Washing Machine.

First load: towels. Next load: the youngest daughter.

 





View gallery

.
Dremel Multipro rotary tools

Label: This product is not intended for use as a dental drill.

Product: Dremel Multipro rotary tools.

You can't be too careful in this day and age. 




View gallery

.
Apple's iPod shuffle

Label (on website): Do not eat.
Product: Apple's iPod shuffle.

When Apple introduced its digital music player in 2005, the company added this warning on its website. Parody or paranoia? The company wouldn't comment. 





View gallery

.
Bialetti Casa Italiana's nonstick pans

Label: Keep pet birds out of the kitchen when using this product.
Product: Bialetti Casa Italiana's nonstick pans.

Polly may not have a thing for fancy cookware, and she might not like the fumes potentially given off by hot Teflon, either. "Many animal owners call us inquiring about it," says Richard Duran, a Bialetti consumer relations representative. 

 

 

Solid advice, always.

 

In Pictures: 25 Stunningly Dumb Warning Labels

Sorry you didn't like this comment. Please provide a reason below.

Are you sure?
Rating failed. Try again.
Request failed. Try again.
We will promote constructive and witty comments to the top, so everyone sees them!
Sorry, we can’t load comments right now. Try again.

    Recommended for You

    • Transgender boy wins controversial girls state title

      CYPRESS, Texas (AP) — A 17-year-old transgender boy completed an undefeated season Saturday by winning a controversial Texas state girls wrestling title in an event clouded by criticism from those who believe the testosterone he's taking as he transitions from female to male created an unfair advantage.

      Associated Press
    • Robert De Niro snaps at wife for 'spending all my money'

      Trouble is brewing over Grace Hightower’s coffee company. We’re told that her husband, Robert De Niro — who is a major investor in the firm — is steamed because the 5-year-old Grace Hightower & Coffees of Rwanda brand is turning into a money pit. The New York Post reports that Hightower has frustrated business associates — as well as the legendary actor — by dithering over simple decisions, and “changing her mind about how to run the business depending on who she spoke to last.” A source tells the paper that, in a moment of frustration, De Niro boiled over while bickering with Hightower in public at a Manhattan bar, telling her, “I wouldn’t have to keep making s - - tty movies if you didn’t spend

      Fox News q
    • Fox News' Swedish 'security advisor' has heads scratching

      NEW YORK (AP) — A trans-Atlantic wave of puzzlement is rippling across Sweden for the second time in a week, after a prominent Fox News program featured a "Swedish defense and national security advisor" who's unknown to the country's military and foreign-affairs officials.

      Associated Press 43 min ago
    • See the Chic Red Carpet Looks from Essence's Black Women in Hollywood Party (11 photos)

      As Essence celebrated the 10th anniversary of its annual Black Women in Hollywood event Thursday evening, Viola Davis , Gabrielle Union , Yara Shahidi , Aja Naomi King, and more stars flocked to the Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills, Calif., to help kick off the festivities. Union, who served as host of the night, stunned in a black beaded Prada dress that she "fell in love" with at first sight. "I love Mrs. Prada, so anytime I have a chance to wear Prada, I'm going to jump at that chance," she told InStyle . It was one of two dresses the actress tried on and fell for. The other, a Rodarte dress, she planned to make a quick change into during the event. The night also marked the debut of her chic new haircut coiffed by hairstylist Larry Sims. "He just did it, so I'm still getting used to it, but I'm gagging. I love it," she said. Union drew further attention to the new cut with Tiffany & Co. diamond bow earrings. King, Shahidi, Issa Rae, and Janelle Monae , who were the honorees of the evening, all slayed the red carpet as well. Hidden Figures star Monae, who nabbed the Breakthrough award, rocked a sleek white suit with black lapels and yellow detailing. She took a moment to embrace Shahidi, who wore a whimsical black Chanel dress complete with sheer sleeves. The Blackish star paired the look with Chanel drop earrings she joked "cost more than my life." VIDEO: The Best Oscars Fashion of All Time 5334392326001 Shahidi took home the Generation Next award at the event, and told us, "It's pretty surreal. To be presented by my TV mother Tracee , and to be surrounded by people that I love and admire and look up to and just want to hug and fangirl over, is pretty crazy and cool." King, meanwhile, stunned in a body-hugging, white lace Michael Costello gown paired with gold heels and a white Amanda Wakeley clutch. "I feel a little bit like Diana Ross and Beyonce ," the How to Get Away with Murder star, who received the Lincoln Shining Star award told us. "Like, gorgeous--everyone is so beautiful, and I love this dress. I feel magical." " Being honored here ... it's really incredible," she continued. "I genuinely feel Essence has taken me in, in a really special way, because since the first time they invited me here two years ago, they allowed me to speak on stage with Oprah . Each time they brought me back, it just feels like coming home, getting to see family." Rae, who was honored with the Vanguard award, rocked a Francesca Miranda dress she said was "the most comfortable dress I've worn all awards season." She added, "I came here for the first time five years ago, and I had just finished the first series of Awkward Black Girl , my web series. I remember just being in awe of being here, being like, 'One day. Who knows? I'm going to get some TV shows and movies under my belt and maybe they'll recognize me.' To be recognized now, five years later, it is just a blessing." The Insecure creator's co-star Yvonne Orji was on hand to support her in a green and blue Delpozo dress paired with strappy blue Stuart Weitzman heels and Atelier Swarovski jewelry, and couldn't help but sing Rae's praises. "I'm so excited for her," she told us. "She's been killing it. 2016 and '17 has definitely been her year, and she deserves every good thing coming her way. She's amazing." Scroll down to see the glamorous looks from the red carpet.

      InStyle
    • 8-year-old fatally shot in Houston after car crash

      An 8-year-old girl was fatally shot following a car crash in Houston, Texas, early Saturday morning, police said.

      ABC News q
    • Warren Buffett just shared his best investment advice, and said the 'elite' have wasted $100 billion ignoring it

      Warren Buffett's Berkshire Hathaway is out with its annual letter to shareholders. The letter...

      Business Insider
    • Khloe Kardashian Cozies Up to 'Love' Tristan Thompson on Jamaican Vacation -- See the Pics!

      The 32-year-old reality star showed off her curves in a sexy white one-piece.

      Entertainment Tonight
    • Gunman opens fire on car after crash, kills 8-year-old in Texas

      An 8-year-old girl was shot to death after surviving a car crash early Saturday morning in Houston, Texas.

      KABC – Los Angeles
    • Try Solving This Math Puzzle That Is Making People Go Crazy on Facebook

      Ever wanted to tear your hair out and question everything you've ever learned about math? Well, thanks to the website Brain Dare, you can. The company recently posted a math puzzle to its Facebook page that's made the internet divide into two categories based on answers. Take a look at the puzzle below and determine your own answer. Did you get 40? Or 96? Though Brain Dare states that 96 is the correct answer, other users are claiming that both can be correct. Brain Dare figured out its answer with multiplication. To begin, you multiply the first number by the second number. For example, 1 x 4 = 4. Then, add that result to the first number and you'll arrive at the answer after the equal sign;

      PopSugar q
    • Transgender boy wins first 2 matches of girls tournament

      Mack Beggs won two matches at the Texas state championships Friday. But the larger conflict — over whether a 17-year-old transgender boy should be wrestling girls — remained unsettled. Beggs' family has ...

      Associated Press
    • Jake Tapper Nails White House Barring Of Media With 1 Perfect Word

      The White House on Friday blocked several major media organizations, including The New York Times, CNN and The Huffington Post, from attending an off-camera press briefing, held in lieu of the daily televised news conference. And CNN anchor Jake Tapper did not take the unprecedented move lightly. Before his report on President Donald Trump’s speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference, Tapper took some time on CNN’s “The Lead” to break down why it’s such a problem that the White House barred certain media.  “Let’s not make any mistake about what’s happening here,” Tapper said.  “It’s not acceptable. In fact, it’s petulant,” he continued. He suggested the White House has difficulty

      The Huffington Post q
    • Hmm, maybe this is why Trump doesn't want to attend the White House Correspondents' Dinner

      On Saturday, Donald Trump made history as only the third president to bow out of the White House Correspondents' Dinner. And while this has much to do with Trump's ever-worsening battle with the press and his constant struggle to book talent, it's also worth remembering that, to be frank, Trump probably has another reason for ditching: He usually gets clobbered at these things. So, in the interest of, uh, elucidation, please enjoy these videos of Trump getting roasted at the 2011 and 2016 White House Correspondents' Dinner. Better yet, enjoy Trump's mirthless reactions. They're uncomfortable to watch, but extremely worth it. SEE ALSO: An exclusive look at Donald Trump's Twitter drafts for Oscar night First, here's President Obama clapping back at Trump's relentless "birther" conspiracy-mongering. The Lion King is involved. Next, observe Seth Meyers insisting that Trump must be running for president as a "joke." Trump does not smile. And here's Obama ripping on The Apprentice.  Finally, here's a delightful compilation of all the best Trump burns from the 2016 dinner.  A Larry Wilmore highlight: "Yeah, Trump's campaign is inspiring ... mass violence." (Trump did not attend that one, BTW.) So, there you have it. While we're not sure about the future of this year's event, we'll always have those stunners to fall back on.  And you can always zoom in on this cursed image while listening to "Sound of Silence." Image: Youtube/C-Span BONUS: Jordan Peele reacts to 'Get Out' as Barack Obama: 'Surrounded by white people! Not fun'

      Mashable
    • Barack Obama Takes Daughter Malia to Broadway Show — And He Looks Incredible!

      Former President Barack Obama seems to be enjoying his trip to New York City. After being treated like a rockstar while grabbing coffee on Friday afternoon, the two bonded some more in the evening, attending the revival of Arthur Miller’s The Price on Broadway, starring Danny DeVito and Mark Ruffalo. Obama caused a commotion among New Yorkers and social media took notice of his glowing complexion, likely due to his post-presidency vacation in Palm Springs, California and, later, in the British Virgin Islands.

      People
    • Demi Lovato Slammed for Saying She’s ‘1 Percent African’ After DNA Test

      “I did a DNA test and found out I’m mainly Spanish, with Native America, SCANDINAVIAN (which I had NO idea), Irish, BRITISH…. Many of Lovato’s followers criticized her for pointing out her African ancestry.

      Us Weekly
    • The mistake that caused Warren Buffett to lose $6 billion

      “Today, I would rather prep for a colonoscopy than issue Berkshire shares,” writes Warren Buffett in his latest letter to Berkshire Hathaway (BRK-A, BRK-B) shareholders. “I earlier described our gradual shift from a company obtaining most of its gains from investment activities to one that grows in value by owning businesses,” Buffett writes. “Launching that transition, we took baby steps — making small acquisitions whose impact on Berkshire’s profits was dwarfed by our gains from marketable securities.

      Yahoo Finance
    • GPS device-maker Garmin reeling after workers gunned down

      OLATHE, Kan. (AP) — GPS device-maker Garmin long has revered diversity in its workforce, even when the locale of its ever-sprawling operational headquarters — a largely white Kansas City suburb — didn't reflect it.

      Associated Press
    • Neighbor: Bar attack suspect a 'drunken mess,' not political

      OLATHE, Kan. (AP) — A Kansas man accused of shooting two Indian immigrants and a third man at a bar, in what some believe was a hate crime, was always a drinker but became a "drunken mess" after his father died about 18 months ago, a longtime neighbor said Saturday.

      Associated Press
    • NFL player who negotiated his own contract without an agent had it completely backfire

      Last offseason, NFL offensive tackle Russell Okung decided to enter free agency without an...

      Business Insider
    • A Mysterious Blob Has Washed Up On A Beach In The Philippines

      A giant, hairy blob has washed up on a beach in the Philippines, baffling locals and prompting a worldwide race to identify it.

      The Huffington Post UK q
    • Magician Daryl Easton, 61, Found Dead After Killing Himself in Hollywood’s Famed Magic Castle

      Magician Daryl Easton was found dead inside Hollywood’s famed Magic Castle on Friday, according to multiple reports. Police have ruled his death a suicide, the New York Daily News reported, after the Los Angeles Fire Department had responded to calls from the popular venue at 7:25 p.m. local time. The Magic Castle, which opened its doors in 1963, confirmed Easton’s death early Saturday in a statement on their Facebook page.

      People