Reviews Written by Jack
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April 15, 2000
My cat could make a better version.
If you think I am joking watch it. This film defines the phrase camp, I expected to see big comic style kapows and kurrunch'es to appear at any moment during the fight scenes. I would rather pay monet for the Adam West movie than for this. Clooney was a terrible Batman, O'Donnel settled into his role as robin the same way a slob settles into an armchair and refuse to get up even to go to the bathroom and the only actors bothering to act (Alfred and Gordon) are deliberately kept to a minimum. Believability is stretched to breaking point, then straight past it to the point where you have to slap your own face after watching it to regain any sense of reality. The script is awful, the story could have been written as a 5 year olds homework and the special effects are obvious and poor. Is it coincidence that the film took a fraction of what was expected? Is it coincidence that the studio are considering bringing back Burton and Keaton for th fifth movie, if the company ever recovers enough from this fiasco to make it? I even hear that if Schumaker gets to keep directing they'll be holding an axe over his head regarding quality. And I swear that if we see one more person discover Batmans secret identity we'll either see a spate of critics up clocktowers with rifles with photographs of every one responsible beside them, or a cemetary full of test audience victims who just can't take any more. Batman and Robin? Batman is flopping more like. ... -
April 15, 2000
The Dark Knight in neon?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that this film could have been so much better than it was, or the fact that so many reviewers and watchers genuinly think it was better than the first 2. Lets face it, we've suddenly got all the street thugs adverising their exact location to the police force by wearing neon body paint, the Batmobile glows in the dark to make itself easier to hit and the script needed so much fine tuning it was untrue. Only a fool could say that Schumaker did a better jon than Burton would have, and only someone with severely impaired taste could think Kilmer was better in the role than Keaton. The only saving graces of this film were the villains, who were acted splendidly in spite of the poor options made available by script and director, and the improved special effects. Now anyone who reckons they wouldn't have been better still under the skillful hands of Burton should seriously consider pschiatric help. Oh, and one last thing, why the hell was Elfmans brilliant music replaced by the poor musac they used? Hell, it was so bad the people who made the trailer used 'Finale' from the original film 'cos they knew the elevator music sucked. ... -
April 15, 2000
Another Marvel movie flops.
This movie truly reeked-but wait! What's that I hear? The orignal version that the public didn't see was cut by studio execs to half its original size? Well surprise surprise, another film cut up by idiots in suits sitting in thir ivory towers gets ruined. When will they learn that it is the director who should get the final say, not some pimply butt licking sychophant in an office who's "analysed the demographics" and "knows what the public wants". Yeah? If that's so chump how come if you put the special editions next to the exec cut version on a shelf the special eds sell better? The only time they don't is when those said same studio pillocks have upped the price of the SEs in order to try and prove themselves right and jutif their wage packets. ... -
April 15, 2000
Not to be underestimated.
This film truly is quite splendid. It has a good plot, a sensible vision of the future and is believable in every way. In this future prisons are run like businesses, and troublesome prisoners at one particular prison are deported to the island of Abbados to either die or become cannibals. One prisoner isn't going to stand for it, he has a secret that could shake the very foundations of the government and he is determined to escape so he can reveal it- along with the corruption that is evident in the (still) flawed penal system. ... -
April 15, 2000
A timeless classic.
This film defined a genre, and all films in that genre since have paid homage to this movie. It's low budget, the cast were originaly nobody's, but this is truly a class movie based around story and character. It might look like a one idea film at first glance, but sit back and watch the story unfold and realise the sheer brilliance of what the director has made for you. You can see MAd Max first if you like, or watch it later or not at all- it doesn't matter. Even if you've seen a dozen high budget copies of this film, this one shines out as the best of the bunch for a good reason. ... -
April 15, 2000
Beyond caring about the script-erdome.
If ever you want to see the worst aspects of what handing the franchise of a low budget cult film to a high budget hollywood production company can do- look no further. This film contains slightly more polished imagery than that which was portrayed in Road Warrior (Mad Max 2), but essentially is just a poorly constructed rip off that is not worthy of being presented as a sequel to the orginal low budget Australian productions. Rumour machines say that a fourth film may well be made. Ye gods lets hope it is better than this drivell. ... -
April 15, 2000
PC Eco awareness done justice.
It was during the 1970's that filmmakers first started integrating the worries of the environmental groups into their visions of the future. Various films touched on the subject in one form or another, from Soylent Green to Rollerball, but it was Silent Running that first did trus justice to the cause. For the first time a film showed up just how bad the attitude of the general populace was to mother nature, and just how little it truly meant to the government in the game of politics. Ultimately it also showed that to preserve waht we have will require sacrifce. A truly magnificent movie that if you haven't seen you should, but not in a room full of friends making comments- this should be watched with an open and attentive mind, and if you don't have one you won't like it. ... -
April 15, 2000
Watchable, but flawed.
My golden rule for any film to be taken seriously is DONT TARGET A PRETEEN AUDIENCE. If anyone dissagrees with this rule then perhaps they could explain why we won't be seeing a new series of big screen Cabbage Patch Kids or Teddy Ruxpin movies. Why won't we see those, 'cos as soon as the preteens who like it when they were kids got older they realised it was childish rubbish. This is the main problem with Phantom Menace- Jar Jar Binks, the way Anakin is treated and talks- all designed for introducing a preteen audience who will be wowed only in the short term. Meanwhile George Lucas thinks that including C3PO and R2D2 in a fashion that does not follow continuity with the original films (you'd have though Kenobi would have remembered Artoo on Tatooine, or that Vadre would have recognised Threepio on Bespin) is sufficient enough to detract our attemtion from the fact that the characters are virtually 2-dimensional by comparison to New Hope. Perhaps he should get Harrison Ford back on set, if only to tell him waht he did in the first film- You can write what you like on this paper, but real people don't talk that way.... ... -
April 15, 2000
Why don't we play Bangkok rules?
As much of a remake of Escape from New York as a sequel, John Carpenters greatest anti-hero returns with even more attitude then before. "Snake" Plisskin, so named from his tattoo, ex-military hero of a possible future USA who has turned outlaw due to its constrictive rules and facist dogma diguised as 'moral majority' has been captured again. Beforehe was fitted with two 24 hour to detonation bombs in his nec to ensure his cooperation in rescuing the previous president who had crashed on the top security penal island of manhatten. This time a genetically engineered virus has the clock ticking to ensure he retrieves the targetting key for the "Sword of Damacles", stolen by the current Presidents wayward daughter and taken to the island that was once LA, but since the big earthquake is now the deportation zone for all the 'undesirable' elements of the United States- ie. anyone who doesn't follow the american dream as laid down by the ultra right-wing bible belt. Can Snake get the device back in time to stop the imminent invasion of the west and south east coasts by the deprived nations bullied by the US? The real question is what Snake will do when he gets back with it, not if! An excellent tongue in cheek adventure. Watch it with popcorn and friends. ...
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So many hidden messages.
This film is sheer brilliance for so many reasons. Most watch it and either enjoy the story or hate its apparent 2 dimensional appearance, yet in truth this film has massive political and social undertones that the critics and the so called intellectuals missed. Watch the adverts and newsbreaks and pay close attention to what director Paul Verhoeven is actually saying, for this is his finest hour and even Starship Troopers doesn't begin to touch on the complexity of what was portrayed in this movie. Watch it. Watch it again. watch it for at least a third time, and see just how many comments you can spot. ...