Corey Haim - Me, Myself and I (1989)

Worst Video Ever (review by Matt)

By Page  May 1, 2001 | 1 out of 1 found this Corey Haim - Me, Myself and I (1989) review helpful

This is the most heinous, atrocious thing ever put on film.
Corey Haim's problems with drugs were pretty well documented back in his prime. You wouldn't be all that shocked to see pictures of his freckled face buried in a mountain of cocaine on the front page of the Enquirer. So, spin doctors come in and come up with an idea to get Corey back into a positive light in the public's eyes - they'd do a documentary on him with images of him swimming and playing sports! Yeah! No one's gonna think a kid who plays baseball does drugs!
The problem? You're supposed to think this is all real. But the video itself gives you every reason to believe it's not. Before you see a scene, you'll see the camera crew setting up the scene and people telling Corey what to say. What?! Why would they put this in the film if they wanted anyone to believe in it?

Honestly, I couldn't believe what I was watching. For instance, there's a 5 minute scene of Corey trying to hit baseballs. After every swing of the bat, a woman runs into camera view and reapplies his make-up. This is all IN the movie, folks. It's not some minor nuance you have to look for - it's right there in front of your eyes.
Another high point is the scene where Corey takes a drive around Cali. While he's driving, there's a voiceover of Corey telling you why he enjoys driving so much, where he...talks...this...slowl
y...and...makes...no...se
nse.

Then of course, you get Corey's wisdom. What I'm about to let you read are actual Corey quotes from this movie - they are not altered in any way, shape or form. He really said these things.

"Well, as far as my fans out there, being, and like 'help Corey,' you know, 'where's our Corey,' you know and the whole misconception thing, from the people out there. Um, you know, they have every right to feel the way they do and things are great with me, as you see, I'm very, good shape now and on the ball. Things are happening."

Translation: Corey's trying to tell you he doesn't do drugs anymore. Unfortunately, it's pretty evident judging from this misconnected bunch of syllables that he was on them as he said this.

"The direction in my life right now, that I'm trying to, I guess, proceed with, in the business is, gradually, from being the little boy, from the younger, you know, brother, to trying to be the older brother or the only brother."

Translation: Corey's ability to string together a coherent thought is on par with his ability to land a role in a movie nowadays that doesn't include wearing a monster gorilla mask or having a sex scene with Tina Yothers.

"Is there someone I look up to? Uh, yeah. Um. I look up to John Ritter, just because, I guess, he's a physical comedian. Um, and I enjoy that.

Translation: Ever have one of those times when someone asked you a question you weren't prepared for, and you just blurted out the first thing that came to mind without thinking first? That's what happened here.

"I'm trying to get in the habit of, you know, picking up a book and learning how to write my feelings down, not my feelings but my thoughts, about things, and hopefully I'll moving toward the writing and directing thing soon."

Translation: Corey is talking in his sleep again. It's the only way to explain this.

"What does kissing really mean to me? To me, if you feel, when you kiss a girl, that certain feeling of all those dolphins, like, swimming through your blood stream, and you get those good tingles inside your stomach, I don't think there's any better feeling. It basically comes down to that word: Love. I guess that's what it's all about."

Translation: I love acid. It basically comes down to those three words: I love acid.

Finding this video nowadays is no easy task, and even if you did, you'd have to fight Corey's remaining 12 fans for it.

- Matt
matt@x-entertainment.com